I have to write about my day while it's still fresh in my mind, even though I'm really tired and want to go to sleep.
...All I wanted to do was use up my free ticket to Magic Mountain that I had sitting in my drawer. So when my friend John told me he was going with some "friends," I was like, "Hey, I'll join you." Well, I had no idea what was yet to come.
So, he picks me up this morning at 9:00. We go to his friend's house in Valencia. All the way there, I am oohing and ahhing out the window because after all, when the hell do I get to go to VALENCIA? We get to his friend's house to meet who we are going with. Everyone is 10 years younger than me. I am suddenly completely aware of the laugh line around the side of my mouth and the tiny wrinkles around my eyes. One of the boys has a bottle of Jack Daniels in his pocket and a Budweiser in a water bottle. Amen.
We get to Magic Mountain. There are so many people we only went on 3 rides. It's freezing. I eat Churros. I buy a bottled water for 6$. My friend John is screaming and yelling on every single ride, even when we haven't moved yet.
We leave at 4:00. I think I'm going home. But I was wrong. There is a birthday party to go to. The boy with the Jack Daniels and Bud is having a birthday party. I was like, "Where is it?" He's like, "At a bar in Norwalk." I stared blankly. I've heard of Norwalk, but I've honestly never been there. He's like, "You've never been to NORWALK??" (As if EVERTHING happens in NORWALK!!!) I'm like, "Well, no." And he says, "Well, you are going to have a blast tonight." And I had no choice. I didn't drive that day.
We drive to Norwalk. John's married friend is driving. He tries to cop a feel on my leg while I'm in the car. I am completely disgusted. Again, I am oohing and aahhing out the window because this is a new place to me. Loved the factories and crap motels and mini malls. I'm thinking we are going to some chain like Claim Jumpers or something. No. We go to a place called BRUCE'S. I stared at the building when we pulled up. It looked like a big, white, run down motel. But it wasn't. It was a bar. We walk in, and it was a big time, family birthday party for this boy. ALLL 50 relatives are there, including the bar's regulars. Everyone is about 60 years old, and dressed up in their Sunday best. That was cool... I liked that. There are guady decorations everywhere. I order a drink and sit down. There is a huge buffet of pizza and salad and breadsticks. All the people there were pure white, and have probably lived in Norwalk all their lives. Don't think I'm knocking it, it's just an observation.
Then the trash comes in. These two chicks, who are the sisters of the guy who tried to cop a feel. Both of them work at Spearamint Rhino, and both have black lipliner on and light lipstick. The bartender asks one of them for her ID, and she says, "How bout' you see these babies instead?" and bounces her tits. Nice.
Then, the band comes in. I watch them load up on the small stage. They are called "KAOS." How rad is that name? They do some Frank Sinatra songs, which was really cool. And then they do a Sublime song. Frank must have been turning in his grave. Birthday boy runs up to the stage to sing a song. His poor 17 year old girlfriend is watching his drunk ass the entire time with a worried look on her face. Right in the middle of "Santaria" the fuse blows out. It blew out twice. Birthday boy got pissed and stomped off stage. That was funny.
During this time, I was consuming quite a bit of alcohol. This was a necessity for this night.
Then the stripper comes. We all get herded into the banquet room. (This place has a BANQUET ROOM) It's time for the stripper. Birthday Boy gets blindfolded and put in a chair. Then the dancer comes out, who is wearing a polka dot bikini and has orange-blonde hair, really tan skin, and also the black lipliner and light lipstick deal. (What IS that??) She proceeds to bump and grind on Birthday Boy, eventually knocking his chair over, and ripping his shirt off, and also his pants. This is in front of all his 60 yr. old relatives, mind you. Then she gets naked and is stuffing her goods in the boy's face, who is at first acting all horrified and embarassed, but then eventually seems to give in and is craning his neck to lick her (ahem) boobs and everything else. Soon she's naked, and brings out a drill with a dildo attached to it. She spreads out a towel, lays down on it, and hands him the drill and tells him to fuck her with it. He hesitates for one minute and then does what she says. A second later one of the relatives says "Enough!" and the party's over. Drats. By the way, 17 yr. old girlfriend was sent home a long time ago.
After this spectacle, I am really tired and want to go home. This guy is telling me about how he went on Judge Judy and this other boy won't leave me alone either. I am dying to go home. As much as I love the gorgeous city of Norwalk, I think I've had enough. But no. They want to go eat at Denny's. At this point I am starting to lose my cool. I don't think I can handle another minute. (Don't get me wrong, I am a laid back kind of girl, and I can have fun anywhere. I was just really tired at this point.) We go to Denny's. I am sitting at 3 tables put together with Spearamint Rhino girls, grandparents, and Birthday Boy and his friends. I don't want to eat. I want to go home. The two boys are sitting right by me and are still trying to talk to me. One of them worked at ESPN Zone (whatever that is) and was trying to get me to go in there. Then my ears perk up to the music in the background. They were playing THE DOVES. I kid you not. I said something out loud to ESPN boy and he said, "Oh, I know! Can you believe it!" I rolled my eyes and said, "You have never heard of these guys!!!"
Finally we get the hell out of there, after saying fond farewells to the girls and Birthday Boy and family, who were on their way to some casino. John and copafeel guy drive me home. And here I am. Don't worry, I took lots of pictures of tonight, so maybe I'll post some of it. I'm going to bed. I'm going to dream of Churros and Norwalk dog food factories. Good night.
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