Just another Monday night.

I've always gravitated towards people who have a lot of character. However, I've come to find out that there is a fine line between having character and being mentally ill.

I work at a pub once a week, and it's the type of place where everyone has known each other forever. It's usually quite mellow and quiet. Last night was especially peaceful, until Drunk Old Man walked in. I have never seen this person before, but I would say he's about 60 years old, white hair and three teeth.

I knew he was going to be trouble because he was quite obviously extremely intoxicated. He confirmed this by shouting, "I'VE BEEN DRINKING SINCE 12:00!" And I emphasize the word "shouting." This man could have woken the dead. There were only three people in the whole pub at that time, which he didn't like one bit.

"Where's the PARTY?" He shouted. "What kind of music is this? (It was Kings of Leon at the time, I think) Do you have any JAMIROQUAI???" Bizarre. He asked me to turn up the music.

"No." I said.
"WHY?"
"Because I don't want to."
"WHY NOT??"
"Because it's Monday night and YOU are the only one partying."

And then, with the most perfect timing ever, two friends of mine came into the pub to visit me... much to the delight of Drunk Old Man, and much to my horror. Luckily my friend (Tamlin) is the type of person who gets a kick out of situations such as these.

Drunk Old Man eyed them up and down, taking in their stylish youthfulness before booming,
"I show up and everyone gets here now! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN MY COUNTRY??"
"Oh, let's see... 22 years?" Tamlin is a good sport.
"You could LEARN from me!"
"Okay... what could I learn from you?"
"Nothing! You can't learn anything from me!! I'm 60 years older than you! Maybe 160 years older than you!!"

Oh boy. Maybe he could have taught my friends how to steal old ladies' handbags at Madame Tussauds, which I found out he did after my boss kicked him out in about 5 more minutes.

I told him to stop shouting or else he would have to leave. Unfortunately, it is hard for a purple haired girl with a high pitched American accent to give off much of an air of authority. He turned back to my friends and said, "SO. If Arsenal win the cup or if Chelsea win the cup..." By this time they had made a move to the other side of the bar, and told Drunk Old Man to have a good night. He yelled, "It is NOT a good night!!!!" and continued to bang on about turning up the music and swearing at me and everyone else for no obvious reason.

At this time I remembered the greatness of having a boss who lives upstairs. Drunk Old Man was kicked out the door within minutes, screaming and ranting all the way down the street, most likely about to make some other barmaid's night interesting. Bless.