Into the great wide open. (That's the plan, anyway.)

You know how you can just tell when life as you know it is about to drastically change? And you aren't quite sure how it will change but you know it's going to?

I've been enjoying the last three years of my very bohemian lifestyle immensely: Lazy days spent in various London parks with friends and lying in the grass while gazing at the sky, endless laughter and good times with good friends in the pubs, playing music all day at the record shop, creating art and trying to sell it all in the market... gigs. Random trips. Random people. Adventures. It's why I left everything behind in L.A.

But, as with most things in life, it can't last forever. Not exactly, anyway. I'm just not quite sure what's next. I do know that I've got to return to the states to take care of some things for a few months in autumn. Time to regroup, work hard, save some money for more adventures: SXSW in Austin, Las Vegas, oh and of course Disneyland. Then hopefully come back. But, anything could happen along the way.

Random questions drift in and out of my mind lately, such as:

Am I gonna have a panic attack when I stay in my old room while visiting my mother in Oregon? I'm always afraid that if I go back for a little while, I'll feel like the last 14 years of my life never happened.

Will it feel strange to go back to using quarters, nickels, dimes and dollar bills?

Am I going to want to turn around and run back when it's time to board the plane? Probably.

This city is an overwhelming shock to the system of colourful people, places, history, beauty and time seems to accelerate here. Finding time for myself is like trying to jump off of a fast-moving carousel. But I love almost every minute of it.

As much as I love my life here, there are parts that I find somewhat sad. (I may get into trouble for this one!) The same pubs with the same people, some who are constantly searching for something, desperately chasing a good time or just waiting for a fresh face to walk through the door to either save or ruin. Nameless faces on the tube with their eyes turned anywhere except to yours. Interchangeable, disposable and meaningless partners and lovers who seem to always stay in the same incestuous circles... and how lonely they seem to be. Ahh well, it's the same in any big city where there is too much, too fast.

I'm thinking that the future is bright, open, hazy and swirling with colour. I have pictures in my head of a life in the desert with the hot wind in my hair and I'm sitting on a non existent front porch of an imaginary house that could be mine someday. Or traveling, road trips, closing my eyes and picking a spot on a map and just going. And of course, I think of being here again.

Really, all I want is a life less ordinary. And make really great memories. Lots of them.